Your Gravity: Part Three Read online

  Caroline rushed over to my side. “I’m sorry, Nicole. Please don’t give up. He loves you. I know he does.”

  “I’m not giving up. It just hurts.”

  “He thinks he’s sparing you by pushing you away.”

  “Yeah, well, if he thinks I’m going to let him get away with the lame excuse about age difference, it’s not going to happen.”

  “It’s more than that. Our father died. We just got back from his funeral a few days ago.”

  “You went?” My hand flew to my mouth in horror when I realized what I’d said. Their father may have been a major asshole, but he was still their father. I was shocked that they’d even kept up with him after what he’d done to their mother.

  She smiled sadly. “I didn’t want to go, but Jax did. He wouldn’t tell me why, and he wouldn’t let me go with him. He’s shutting me out, Nicole. You need to talk to him.”

  Even in your darkest hour, I’ll be by your side, loving you.

  The words echoed in my mind. I held onto them because this time, I was going to see them through no matter how hard Jax fought me off.

  “That’s exactly what I plan to do.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “Are you sure about this?” I asked Caroline as I pressed myself against the wall beside Jax’s front door.

  “He won’t open the door if he sees you. He’s that stubborn,” she whispered furiously. “Besides, this is for his own good. When he opens it, run in.”

  “What if he calls the cops on me?”

  “He won’t. Don’t listen to all his barking, just stand your ground. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay with you? It’ll be two against one. We can do a tag team intervention.”

  “Tempting, but there are some things that Jax and I need to air out.”

  Plus I had a funny feeling there was about to be a lot of shouting because this time I wasn’t budging. He was going to have to pick me up and toss me out the front door if he wanted me to leave. There was nothing holding us back now. I wasn’t his student anymore.

  “Okay, ready?” She hovered her finger over the doorbell.

  “Ready.”

  She rang the bell and then banged on the door. “Jax, it’s me. Open up. We need to talk.”

  “Go away, Caroline!”

  “No way, Mr. Stinky Feet.”

  “I told you to stop calling me that,” his voice growled.

  “Well, open up and I will. I just want to talk.” Turning to me, she whispered, “Are you sure you’re in love with him? He’s such a pain in the ass.”

  “Yes. Stinky feet and all,” I whispered back.

  “There’s nothing to discuss. I’ve made up my mind!” Jax yelled from behind the closed door.

  “Don’t make me use the spare key,” she warned.

  “You don’t have one.”

  Giving me a wink, she looked around the ground and smiled when she spotted a large smooth stone. She held it up and centered herself in front of the door holding up the rock. “I have one now.”

  The door swung open.

  “Now!” she yelled.

  “What the hell, Caroline?” he barked when I raced under his arm and into his living room.

  “Good luck, Nicole. And you be nice.” She poked his chest before spinning on her heel and heading to her car.

  “You’re leaving with her, Ms. Ashford.” He stood beside the open door and scowled as he stared into empty space.

  He wouldn’t even look at me. His shoulders were stiff. He had that professor stance he always had when he was about to give a lecture.

  Pulling my shoulders back, I marched to the door. I gazed up into his stoic face, placed my hand on the doorknob, and slammed it shut.

  “Not happening.”

  Blue eyes blazed as they flicked down to me. “You’re trespassing.”

  “Am not. You opened the door.”

  “I thought you were my sister.”

  “You still opened the door.”

  His hands brushed angrily through messy brown hair as he let out a frustrated breath.

  “We’ve already discussed this, Ms. Ashford,” he said as he turned away from me and headed to the kitchen.

  “I’m not your student anymore. So stop acting like you’re my professor.”

  “That may be, but I don’t have any interest in continuing this conversation any further.”

  “Caroline, told me about your father.”

  He paused. An emotion I couldn’t distinguish flickered across his face. “My father has nothing to do with my decision about us.”

  “I think it does, Jax.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “Then explain it to me.” I took a careful step toward him.

  For the briefest moment, I saw my Jax again as his face twisted with raw emotion.

  “I destroy everyone who loves me,” he said. “My mom, Caroline, you . . . it should be me in that grave with him, burning in hell.”

  “It’s not your fault your mom got sick.”

  “It was. If it weren’t for me, she would’ve gone to the doctor sooner. We would’ve had enough money if I’d quit school. It’s my fault.”

  “She wanted the best for you, Jax, and for Caroline too.”

  He dropped his head to his chest, shaking it. “I should’ve dropped out anyway. I should’ve gotten a second job. It’s because of me Caroline lost her mother. And you—”

  “I don’t want to hear it, Jax. I’ve told you before. You are not you’re father.”

  He whipped his head up, his nostrils flaring. “You don’t know that because you weren’t there! You left! Every day for years I’d look into the mirror, and I’d see my father’s face. It’s the same face my mother saw whenever he’d come home drunk. The same exact face that made her quiver in fear.”

  With shaking hands, he opened the fridge, pulled out a bottle of vodka, and poured the contents into an empty glass.

  “Jax.” I reached out to take the glass out of his hand.

  Angry eyes snapped to mine. “I told you I was my father’s son. Did you know I hated you? Did you?”

  My steps came to a screeching halt. I blinked hard as his words slammed against my chest.

  “What do you mean?” My voice was a rough whisper.

  “I hated that you left me with this empty hole inside my chest. I hated that I couldn’t be there for my mom because my mind was always on you. I hated every night I dreamed about you, dreamed about you coming back. It took me years, years to get over you, and then you just show up, like nothing had happened. God help me. I want to hate you but I can’t.”

  He downed his drink and poured himself another. He wasn’t fighting against me, he was fighting against himself. Charlie had said truth and honesty was the way to get him back. Well, he was going to get that from me all right. I was going to hold a mirror up to him and make him see the same Jax I saw, that Caroline saw, that everyone who ever loved him saw. Jax was deserving of love; he just didn’t seem to realize it yet.

  I snatched the glass from his hand, tossed the contents into the sink, and slammed it onto the counter.

  “Look here, Professor Cooper. I know you love me. And second—”

  “Watch yourself, Ms. Ashford.” His voice was cold. “This is my house. I can do whatever I please, including have a drink if I chose to do so. You forget who the adult is here.”

  I ignored his barking. “And second, I’ve already proven to you that you are not your father. And third, I lo—”

  “Don’t say it.” He grasped my arms. It seemed like he was going to push me away. Instead, he held me close, his lips parting. His face twisted as if fighting something within himself, but then he dropped his hands, stepping away. “We’re not doing this. Leave.”

  “No.” I placed my hands on his chest. I tilted my head up, my lips slowly parting, inviting him to come after what he so clearly wanted.

  “Get out,” he growled.

  “No.” Even though my heart felt like it was ab
out to leap out of my chest, my voice sounded surprisingly calm.

  “Leave.” His jaw tensed so hard, muscles corded tightly along his neck.

  “No.”

  “Damn it, Nicole! Leave!” He spun around and stomped out of the kitchen.

  “I’m not leaving.” I chased after him as he went down the hall.

  “Get out!” He swung his arm, punching a fist against the wall. He stood silent as sheetrock crumbled beneath his fist and fell to the floor. Stunned blue eyes darted from the wall to me in disbelief at what he’d done. Without another word, he dashed into his bedroom.

  “Jax, let me look at your hand,” I said, stepping quickly into his room before he could shut me out. “Are you—”

  I sucked in a breath at what I saw the moment I stepped in.

  Tucked in the corner of the dresser mirror was the photo we’d taken at the carnival in 1984, the same one Caroline had said he’d kept in his wallet, the same one I’d seen him looking at the first day I’d met him.

  Gently, I traced the happy faces staring out from it: Caroline’s cute freckled face and pigtails, my spaghetti-like hair, and Jax. His beautiful soul had been captured in a moment in time when he hadn’t been afraid to love, a moment where his world wasn’t crashing down around him. He’d had his family near him, loving him.

  Touching that photo, it suddenly hit me, the purpose of all of what had happened between us, why I’d traveled through time for him and why we’d found our way back to each other. He was my beginning. My life started with him. And I was his beginning too, the start of his new life where the strings of a past that had held him back were gone. He needed his family—me—near him again.

  “I love you, and I’m not leaving,” I said with renewed determination.

  He winced as if hearing my words of love burned his skin. He paced the room, rubbing his bruised knuckles.

  “Nicole . . .”

  The sound of his voice saying my name made my heart sing. He was coming back to me. I pressed on. I wasn’t giving up on him, on us.

  “You can throw any excuse you want at me—I’m too young, you’re too old, too much time has passed, you’re evil incarnate—I don’t care. I won’t accept it. You can yell and punch fists in walls all you want, but I’m not accepting it! Do you hear me?”

  I marched up to him. He flinched back when I took hold of his chin. I lifted his head until his eyes met mine.

  “I’m not afraid of you or our love.” My voice cracked when his blue eyes softened. “I promised to love you even in your darkest hour. Well this is it. Right here. Right now. And I’m still here, loving you.”

  I slid my hands up his pristine white shirt until I reached the collar. Lacing my fingers around his neck, I pulled him closer to me.

  His hands held onto my waist, holding me near him even as he whispered hoarsely, “Don’t.”

  “I love you.”

  My lips gently brushed against his. His breath caught and he tensed his lips. Yet his hands pulled me tighter against him.

  “Nicole, please . . .” his voice strained.

  “I love you,” I repeated, kissing him harder, determined to tear down the wall around him. I kissed his lips, his eyes, his strong jaw. I would repeat my words of love to him until they finally got through that brilliant, stubborn mind of his.

  “I love you, and I don’t care about the reasons why we shouldn’t be together. Please, Jax. Let me love you.”

  Blue eyes simmered as they gazed deeply into mine. My heart raced with each passing minute as he stood there, just looking at me. Slowly, his hands traveled up my sides then over my arms until they reached my hands. Tears stung my eyes when he gently broke my hands apart and slowly pulled them off me.

  I fought against him, struggling to hold onto him. I didn’t want to let go. My heart was breaking into a million pieces at his rejection. I wasn’t strong enough.

  Then, as he placed my hands down to my sides, he bent down and in one swoop, my legs left the ground, and I was suddenly in his arms. The room spun, and I was falling. The moment my body landed against the soft bed his lips locked with mine. He moaned against my lips, and I felt his hands in my hair, gently brushing it back. His beautiful blue eyes locked with mine as he sucked my lower lip into his mouth. There was no denying the love in those eyes.

  I gasped when his tongue flicked the hollow of my throat and then glided deliciously over my collarbones.

  “Jax,” I whispered, trying to catch my breath.

  He pressed a finger against my lips, his eyes gazing at me tenderly.

  “Let me love you,” he said.

  His long fingers slowly traced down over my eyes and nose, pausing at my lips, pulling at them before they drifted down my throat then finally pausing at the top button of my blouse.

  The way he looked at me with burning sapphire eyes made my body quiver with anticipation. He was seeing me, really seeing me for the first time. I trembled at his touch, silently willing him not to stop.

  Keeping his eyes locked with mine, he flicked open the top button, and then pressed his lips against the exposed skin. His lips were liquid fire that made my body shake even more. I weaved my fingers into his silky hair as he continued to undress me. One by one, he repeated the pattern, making me squirm at his touch as his lips and the tip of his tongue kissed the top of my breasts, the valley between, and my stomach until, finally, he reached the edge of my jeans.

  My breathing was ragged when he hovered his hand over the sensitive skin of my lower body, his eyes growing darker. Gently, he placed his hand down. I moaned, arching my back from that simple touch. The warmth of his hand permeated my jeans, and I could feel the intense heat at my center. His breathing grew rapid as he watched me arch into his hand in complete surrender.

  My body shook harder when he glided his fingers teasingly along the edge of my waistband and just underneath my jeans, as if his fingers were kissing every inch until he finally skated down the zipper.

  He slid my jeans down slowly. His hot breath hit against my panties, making me throb. Tearing his eyes away from mine, he turned slightly and kissed the inside of my thigh. When I felt the warm tip of his tongue licking over my delicate skin, I clutched the sheets to keep my world from spinning out of control

  “Oh god, Jax.” Immediately, I arched my back again, bringing my center closer to where I wanted his tongue to be.

  I was drowning in a sea of sensation as his hand caressed one leg and his lips traveled down the other, his scruff teasing and rubbing against sensitive skin.

  Once he’d finally worked his way over every part of my body, removing every stitch of clothing as he went, he crawled back up my feverish body, kissing me every inch of the way. I couldn’t stand it anymore. My body was an inferno on the edge of explosion. I’d turned into a wild woman, taking hold of his shirt, ripping it open, buttons and clothing flying everywhere until I could feel his bare skin pressed against mine.

  Jax would have none of it. He was bent on seduction and loving my body, loving me. His soft lips caressed mine and then traveled down my throat, licking and sucking the skin. I moaned when he took in nipple into his mouth. I wrapped my legs around him, raking my fingernails across his incredible broad back, wanting more of him, but not getting enough . . . not nearly enough.

  I felt him throbbing against the entrance of my body. I opened to him, desperate to have him fill me, to have that connection with him again. He paused, hovering over me.

  “I love you,” his voice was thick with emotion as he looked at me so intently, so lovingly. “More than you know.”

  Slowly, he filled me, and I was home again. His loved filled every part of my being. I rocked against him, our hearts beating as one, just as they were meant to do. As we both reached the edge and shattered, I held onto him, vowing that this was only the beginning for us.

  As he held me tightly against his glistening chest, we talked about our past: our study dates; the carnival; and he even told me how Professor Madsen, our
1984 chemistry professor, had written him a letter of recommendation for graduate school.

  “I’m so glad you went back to college,” I said as I swirled my finger mindlessly over his chest.

  “I had to. I made a promise.”

  “Caroline told me your mom wanted you to finish.”

  “It was more than that. I promised to find a way to stop it from ever happening again.”

  I looked up. His face was serious, unyielding.

  “Caroline mentioned that all you did was work in the lab,” I said. “Is that why?”

  His eyes glistened as he stared into the distance. “I’m really close to a break through on my research. I’m just waiting to hear about some grant funding that should be coming through soon. I owe this to her.”

  I reached out to cup his cheek, the guilt of losing his mom to cancer was still there. “I want to help. I want to work in your lab with you.”

  He blinked as if waking up from a dream and gazed down at me.

  “Let’s not talk about it right now. Just be here with me,” he whispered, holding me tighter against his chest. “Be here with me, and let’s forget the world.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Shivering, I reached down and pulled a blanket around me. My eyes flashed open when I realized Jax’s warm body wasn’t next to me. I smiled when I smelled the delicious scent of coffee wafting in the air. Stretching luxuriously, I took my time taking in every piece of his room. Photos of the park, the way it used to look like before buildings and pavement had taken over, lined his walls. There was one photo with just clouds against a vivid blue sky. Finally my eyes rested on the carnival photo of us and Caroline. It was as if he’d held on to memories of us in any way possible.

  Today was a new day for us and the start of building new memories with him. Excited, I hopped out of bed and quickly dressed. It was so cold that the windows were glazed with white fog. I brushed away the condensation and glanced out. A dusting of white covered the lawn.

  Snow! It had actually snowed. It was probably not even a quarter of an inch, but for central Texas, this was epic.