Secrets & Surrender Read online

  Secrets & Surrender

  L.G. CASTILLO

  Contents

  Also by L.G. CASTILLO

  Part I

  chapter 1

  chapter 2

  chapter 3

  chapter 4

  chapter 5

  chapter 6

  chapter 7

  chapter 8

  chapter 9

  chapter 10

  chapter 11

  chapter 12

  chapter 13

  chapter 14

  chapter 15

  chapter 16

  chapter 17

  chapter 18

  Part II

  chapter 19

  chapter 20

  chapter 21

  chapter 22

  chapter 23

  chapter 24

  chapter 25

  chapter 26

  chapter 27

  chapter 28

  chapter 29

  chapter 30

  chapter 31

  chapter 32

  chapter 33

  Part III

  chapter 34

  chapter 35

  chapter 36

  chapter 37

  chapter 38

  chapter 39

  chapter 40

  chapter 41

  chapter 42

  chapter 43

  chapter 44

  chapter 45

  chapter 46

  chapter 47

  chapter 48

  Stillwater Dusk: Preview

  Jack

  Also by L.G. CASTILLO

  CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE

  Stillwater Dusk

  Strong & Wilde (A Cowboy’s Promise)

  Secrets & Surrender

  Your Gravity

  * * *

  PARANORMAL ROMANCE

  Archangel’s Fire

  * * *

  Reign of Angels

  Reign of Angels 1: Revelation

  Reign of Angels 2: Deception

  Reign of Angels 3: Absolution

  Reign of Angels 4: Revolution

  * * *

  Broken Angel

  Lash (Broken Angel #1)

  After the Fall (Broken Angel #2)

  Before the Fall (Broken Angel #3)

  Jeremy (Broken Angel #4)

  Golden Angel (Broken Angel #5)

  * * *

  www.lgcastillo.com

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  Copyright © 2015 by L.G. Castillo

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author.

  Part I

  chapter 1

  Mandi

  1991

  Growing up with a secret meant living in the shadows, keeping your heart closed off. It was a world I had let only a couple of people into—until I met Nic. If I’d known the sacrifices he would make to bring me into the light of his love, I never would’ve surrendered to him. At my feet, laid the one person who had given up his life for me. I stood helpless underneath the bright Texas sun, undeserving of his love, waiting for the inevitable dark clouds to roll in and pull me back into the dark where I belonged.

  Kneeling, I placed a hand over Nic’s chest and the other on his head. Strands of silk fell between my fingers. Even now, I was surprised by the softness of the man who was in my arms. I must’ve touched him hundreds, if not thousands, of times since we’d first started dating. Regret and guilt warred within me: regret for the time I wasted pushing him away and guilt for failing to keep him out of my life.

  He stirred, the movement causing a wet warmth to spread underneath my hand.

  “Don’t move,” I whispered, silently wishing for magical powers to take away his pain.

  A deep guttural sound escaped his perfectly shaped lips. Sweat beaded his brow, plastering his dark hair against a pale face. He was so beautiful—too beautiful for me and my crazy life. I’d been right all along. I never should’ve have given in to him. I should’ve stood my ground and said “no.”

  Tracing the stubble along his jawline, I choked back a sob at the sight of his heartachingly handsome face twisted in agony. There wasn’t a woman alive who could say “no” to Nic Marcelli, and I wasn’t any different. He’d had his charm on full blast since the day I’d met him. And that day was the happiest and the most miserable I’d ever been.

  “Mandi . . .” His voice was a hoarse gasp. “Juan?”

  “Shh. Julian’s with him. He wasn’t hurt.” The pad of my thumb gently stroked his velvet skin as I prayed desperately that this was all a joke, that this was just his way of trying to get me to touch him, just like the first time he’d tricked me into kissing him.

  I took in a shaky breath, ignoring the screaming sirens. I closed off Julian’s voice as he argued with the police, who were dragging Juan into the patrol car. I wanted to escape all of this mess, run away with Nic, and pretend the past few days hadn’t happened. I leaned over him, hovering inches above his face. My hair fell in long cascades, making a dark curtain, separating us from the chaos.

  I kissed his soft lips and waited, waited for arms to suddenly wrap around me and pull me into his, waited for a flash of his lopsided grin and teasing eyes to open.

  There was nothing . . . just a ragged breath, a slowing heartbeat, and cold horror seeping into my chest.

  “Don’t you die on me, Marcelli,” my voice cracked the same words I’d said to him the night he stole my heart at Koppe Bridge.

  Long dark lashes slowly opened. “You’ll . . . go out . . . with me?” he gasped.

  “Yes, you silly man.” I cleared my throat, attempting to make my squeaky voice steady and strong. “Stay with me, Nic. You hear me. It took me forever to train you. I have you doing the laundry. You know how hard it was to do that?”

  There was a ghost of a smile. “Pink boxers.”

  I let out a chuckle, remembering the first time he’d done the laundry as a surprise for my mom. I’d fallen behind on the housework because of finals, and Juan was complaining that there were no clean clothes. Nic had tossed in a load into the washer, including the red bath towels and Juan’s boxers.

  “Yep. I’ve finally taught you how to separate the colors from the whites and the wonders of fabric softener.” I couldn’t hold back the tears flooding my eyes. They streamed down my cheeks. Even in pain, Nic managed to say something to make me laugh. I couldn’t lose him. God, please don’t take this man away from me. Everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve fought for, it couldn’t end like this. We deserved our happily ever after.

  “Mandi.” His lids struggled open until I was finally looking into pools of amber. “I love you.”

  “Damn it, Nic! Don’t say that. Tell me tomorrow. Tell me next week. Hell, tell me next year when we’re celebrating our anniversary. I don’t wanna hear it now because you are not dying. You are not—Nic!”

  His head fell back and his eyes fluttered closed.

  “Nic! No! Nic!”

  I shook him, yelling his name over and over again. When he didn’t respond, I shook harder. “Don’t leave me. I love you. Please, Nic, I can’t live without you. You’re my life. Come back to me. Please.”

  I looked up, frantic for someone to help me. Juan sat in the back of the patrol car, his dark eyes a mixture of hurt and shock.

  This was my fault, all my fault for bringing in someone from the outside into our family. All my life I’d taken care of my family. I’d kept their secrets, and now, when I’d given in and surrendered myself to love and let Nic into my heart and our family and our secrets, I
was being punished for it. In the end, I’d lost everything.

  My breaths came out in spurts and dark spots flooded my vision.

  I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t be in a world without Nic.

  I laid my head over his motionless body, wailing into his chest and wishing I could turn back the hands of time. If I had a second chance, would I have had the strength to keep Nic out of my life?

  I closed my eyes and remembered the first time I met the only man that could ever make me want to surrender my heart.

  chapter 2

  Mandi

  1988

  The Ford Pinto shook as I pressed my foot down on the accelerator, singing my favorite Grease song at the top of my lungs. I glanced over at my home fry, Cassie Strong, the whites of her knuckles popping out as she clutched the door handle. We’d been best friends since eighth grade, when my parents decided Koppe, Texas would be a way cooler place to live than Los Angeles.

  Not!

  “What’s wrong, Cassie? You look a little green.”

  “You-you-you said you passed the driver’s test, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Uh, okay.” She gulped and then her eyes suddenly widened. “Watch out!”

  Turning my attention back to the road, I swerved, missing the car in front of me by an inch.

  “The speed limit’s forty-five, not five!” I yelled out the window.

  Shaking my head, I wondered why people drove so slow in this town. It wasn’t like LA, where the roads were basically one big parking lot. With all the open roads in Texas, you’d think people would take advantage of it.

  The driver, an old woman with black-framed, oval glasses perched on her nose, gave me a slight nod and turned her attention back to the steering wheel.

  “Well, how rude. The least she could do is move out of the way if she’s not willing to go the speed limit.”

  “Mandi!” Cassie said, exasperated. “That was Mrs. Matthews. She can’t hear you. She’s partially deaf. Besides, we just passed a traffic sign. The speed limit is twenty.”

  “Oops.” Giggling, I gently lifted my foot off the gas, and glanced into the rearview mirror. Mrs. Matthews’s curly gray hair barely peeked over the dashboard. All I could see was the steering wheel rotating back and forth as the car rolled down the street at a snail’s pace.

  “Are you sure no one’s at the ranch?” Cassie asked.

  “Yep. I was just there last week. It was totally empty. Do you want me to turn around? We don’t have to go see it.”

  When Cassie’s father died last year, she and her mother had moved to Houston. Her mother wasn’t able to afford to keep the ranch she’d grown up on. It was horrible for Cassie, losing her father the way she did. Deputy Strong was well respected in Koppe and was missed by all. Even though he died a hero’s death, it didn’t take away the pain that lingered on Cassie’s face. I did everything I could to be there for her. Money was tight for both of us, so we were limited to occasional phone call and letters.

  “No. I want to see it . . . I guess. I feel close to Dad whenever I’m here.” She gazed out the window, staring sadly into the horizon for a moment before placing a smile on her face. “Hey, I wanted to give your parents a thank you gift for letting me stay over. What should I get them?”

  “You don’t have to do that. You’re family.” I gave the Pinto a little gas when the traffic light turned yellow. I may have pressed a little too hard because the car lurched forward and Cassie gasped, clutching the door handle tighter.

  “Mandi, the light’s yellow!”

  “I know.”

  “Shouldn’t you slow down?”

  “Uh, no. Yellow means go faster.”

  As we sped through the now red light, there was a sudden drop, followed by a clang. Cassie squealed, bumping her head against the roof of the car. “Sorry about that. Damn potholes.”

  Cassie stuck her head out the window. “I think you broke the car.”

  I glanced at the rearview mirror. There was a large piece of metal sitting in the middle of the street. “Hmm, that’s not good. We’ll pick it up on the way back.”

  When we finally arrived at Cassie’s old house, the energy in the car shifted, and she grew quiet. Her breath hitched as she stared at the house. The grass was over grown, and weeds were around the flowerbeds surrounding the house.

  “Are you okay?” I asked softly.

  “Yeah, I just wasn’t expecting it to look like this.”

  She climbed out of the car and walked to the porch, her hand sliding up the rail. Flecks of white paint floated onto the stairs. “It’s so strange.”

  “What’s strange?”

  “I can feel him...my dad.” Turning, her pretty brown eyes gazed out into the horizon as if searching. “It’s like if I look hard enough, I’ll be able to see his patrol car driving up the road, and he’ll honk, just like he used to.”

  “If it hurts too much to be here, maybe we should leave.”

  She shook her head. “It’s not that. I mean, it does hurt, but it feels like home here. It’s like he’s here with me. I don’t get that feeling when I’m in Houston.”

  I had no idea how she did it. She was so strong. Everyone thought that I was the strong one. Probably because I had a loud mouth and I didn’t hold back what I was thinking, especially when it came to anyone hurting my family or friends.

  “Hey.” I gave her a nudge. “My parents were serious about you living with us until you graduate.”

  “They’re so sweet. But I can’t do that. You all barely have room and then to add me on top of that?”

  She wasn’t kidding. There were five of us squeezed into a two-bedroom house. “They love you, Cassie. We don’t turn away family when family needs us.”

  “Yeah, but what about Juan? I hate the thought of taking his room.”

  “Oh, please! Juan sleeps on the couch more than he sleeps in his room anyway. Besides, we can’t really call it a bedroom, you know.” Juan’s room doubled as the laundry room. The small room had a cot he used as a bed. He complained about it all the time. I once told him that I’d gladly trade places, but he’d have to sleep in the same room with our baby sister, Selina. That shut him up real fast. I guess he didn’t like the idea of changing her diapers.

  “Come on. Say ‘yes.’” I tugged her ponytail playfully.

  I could tell by the expression on her face that she wanted to give in. She just needed a little nudging.

  “You know,” I glanced at my nails, keeping my voice nonchalant, “I could use some help with Selina and Miguelito. Senior year will be totally hectic with classes and all the college admissions essays I have to write, not to mention applying to every college scholarship I can find. I’m not sure when I’ll find the time to do it all, not if I have to take care of them after school.

  “Now, if I had someone to help me,” I coughed out Cassie’s name in my hand, “maybe, just maybe, I’ll get lucky and get a scholarship. But if you feel like Juan has to have his own room, well then, I guess I can understand that. I mean, we’re friends after all, and well, I don’t want to make you feel bad or anything like that.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, if you really need me there.” She bit down on her lip.

  “Yes, I do.” My lip twitched. “I really do need you.” It wasn’t a lie. I did need help. But what I really wanted was to have my home fry with me.

  “Well, okay. If you really—Hey! You tricked me.”

  I busted out laughing. “Cassie, you and the guilt work really well together. Are you sure you didn’t go to Catholic school?”

  “You’re just too much, Mandi. What would I do without you?”

  “You won’t have to be without me. I’ll be on you like brown on rice until the day we die.”

  “Don’t you mean white on rice?”

  “Have you met me?” I held out my tanned arms.

  She laughed, her eyes dancing. “Come on, let’s go. There’s so much I need to do before I go back to Houston t
his afternoon.”

  “Do you have to leave today?” Entwining my arm with hers, we headed back to the car. “Tricia’s having her birthday party at The Dixie tonight. I heard the DJ her uncle hired is from Austin. There might actually be some descent party music playing in this town. No offense, but all this country music is making my left eye twitch every time I hear it. It’s a serious medical condition.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’ve lived here for almost four years. I’ll make a Texan out of you if it’s the last thing I do.”

  “No! Somebody save me.” I feigned fright.

  We giggled hysterically as we climbed into the car. It felt good to hear her laugh again.

  “I wish I could stay, but I really should get back. If I’m going to spend the next year here, I want to spend some time with Mom.”

  “Okay, but you’re gonna miss out on my totally rad dance moves. And I’ve heard that Cody might be there,” I added, fighting back a smile. I remembered her reaction when Cody Wilde moved back to Koppe. They’d grown up together as friends, and when Cody moved to Utah to be with his mother, Cassie had been devastated. When he finally returned to Koppe, it was like she had come back to life.